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I wish I could take credit for this literary Gem, but it was actually composed by one of my dear friends from Office Depot, Ethan Sellers. I thought i would share it with you all, because it's funny, and he gets his point across.
All right so we have all heard about the Proposition 8 passing in California recently. And if you haven't it basically said that "Marriage" is only defined by a man and a woman. And they are the only ones who can marry.
So this has people riled up on both sides, and I can understand why. I mean the sanctity of marriage is at stake here! I mean if anything is sanctitified (I make up words, whats it to you I'm an American!) its marriage. If I wanted to marry a complete stranger because I lost a bet to my buddy who's going to stop me? Nobody that's who because I'm an American, and I'm going to eat my McDonalds and nobody is going to stop me! But yea back to the sanctity of marriage. I've seen so many awesome shows lately that totally help my cause of saying its sanctitified.
Who wants to Marry a Millionaire is a very entertaining show, marrying for money is what America is all about, I mean all our leaders on both sides of the political isle do it. John Kerry and John McCain married into Ketchup and Beer money. So money is a very good reason to get married.
I also have learned of couples getting married because of their choices to be bad people and have premarital sex (they have a special place in hell reserved for them, how do I know this? Bill O'Reily told me and he knows social issues.) But they are getting married to appease god. And we all know he needs appeasing. I was reading The Old Testament and man he sure got mad back then. Always flooding and plaguing the people of earth (I guess most of them were having pre marital sex). But anyways It's cool that two 15 year olds can get married if their parents say its cool because the girl is knocked up. I mean I can see being married to make other people in your family happy.
But one reason I cant see anyone wanting to get married is love. Bleh who wants that? I define marriage as two unstable people of opposite sex stepping into a legal contract saving them thousands of tax dollars each year. But I cant understand why Gay and Lesbian people want the right to marry. I mean cm on. The Bible clearly says "Marriage is something that must be competed for on the Fox network for a million dollars every night at 7pm Eastern time". So there's proof right there that it should be illegal for them to want the right of other Americans. I mean cmon who really cares about rights in this country?
If that's not enough I have proof that in the United States Constitution, Thomas Jefferson, a man who famously wrote in 1776 "All Men are created equal, and by Men I mean the male gender. I mean women aren't people are they? Well I guess their people but cmon guys we shouldn't let them vote. And black people, well they are only 3/5ths people, or so Congress will decide in the 1850's that that's the case. But basically what I'm saying is white dudes are the only people who I'm really doing this for."
Boy that Jefferson was sure one with words. But oh yea Jefferson I'm sure in there meant to say something about gay and lesbian couples not having the right to get married. I mean he said alot of things that people didnt always record. It was the 1700's Youtube wasn't invented yet so weren't aware of his daily routine.
But here's where the equal rights come in. I mean since this is the land of freedom if we are taking away the right of marriage from a certain group of citizens, we have to let them take some of our rights away. So here's how it works. Basically we give Gay and Lesbian couples a few rights they can choose to take away from the straight people.
So up for grabs I think we should give them some good choices since we took away a pretty big one from them. Ok I think we should put up four options for them. Here they are.
1. Straight people cannot go outside between the hours of 8 pm to 2 am. I think this is a good one, I mean thats when vampires and zombies are outside anyways and thats when the gay bars open. And I'm a manly man and my sexual orientation could get questioned if I see that going on.
2. Every 3rd Wednesday of the month straight people have to ride unicycles everywhere they go all day, indoors and outdoors. I think this would be a good one guys for our health because its getting harder and harder to tell people how to live their lives when I cant even get out of my lawn chair without my walking stick nearby, and sometimes I leave it in the bathroom when I go and read GUNS AND AMMO.
3. Groundhog's Day will officially be renamed "Queer eye for a straight Groundhog". This one is really straight forward basically every Groundhogs Day, The Queer eye guys make over the groundhog. If after the make over he doesnt shout "fabulous" its winter for another month. Bummer.
4. We lose the right to Guacamole. This one I think would by far be the hardest loss for us but when we take away a right that most people can obtain by a three shots of vodka and a Elvis priest in Vegas it actually seems fair. Basically anyone who is straight must wear a patch on their clothing that a avocado crossed out (Kinda like what the Nazi's did to Jewish people in World War 2 so they could recognize them anywhere). But whenever someone with that patch tries to order Guacamole or Avocado's you will get met with a sigh and shaking head saying "No, I'm sorry you havent earned that right yet, Guacamole is a privilege you get for being a homosexual, and you sir have a avocado crossed out patch".
So guys please let me know what you think, I need your votes. When all the votes of my friends are tallied we will write out representative in congress and let our voices be heard! Power to the people!
So this has people riled up on both sides, and I can understand why. I mean the sanctity of marriage is at stake here! I mean if anything is sanctitified (I make up words, whats it to you I'm an American!) its marriage. If I wanted to marry a complete stranger because I lost a bet to my buddy who's going to stop me? Nobody that's who because I'm an American, and I'm going to eat my McDonalds and nobody is going to stop me! But yea back to the sanctity of marriage. I've seen so many awesome shows lately that totally help my cause of saying its sanctitified.
Who wants to Marry a Millionaire is a very entertaining show, marrying for money is what America is all about, I mean all our leaders on both sides of the political isle do it. John Kerry and John McCain married into Ketchup and Beer money. So money is a very good reason to get married.
I also have learned of couples getting married because of their choices to be bad people and have premarital sex (they have a special place in hell reserved for them, how do I know this? Bill O'Reily told me and he knows social issues.) But they are getting married to appease god. And we all know he needs appeasing. I was reading The Old Testament and man he sure got mad back then. Always flooding and plaguing the people of earth (I guess most of them were having pre marital sex). But anyways It's cool that two 15 year olds can get married if their parents say its cool because the girl is knocked up. I mean I can see being married to make other people in your family happy.
But one reason I cant see anyone wanting to get married is love. Bleh who wants that? I define marriage as two unstable people of opposite sex stepping into a legal contract saving them thousands of tax dollars each year. But I cant understand why Gay and Lesbian people want the right to marry. I mean cm on. The Bible clearly says "Marriage is something that must be competed for on the Fox network for a million dollars every night at 7pm Eastern time". So there's proof right there that it should be illegal for them to want the right of other Americans. I mean cmon who really cares about rights in this country?
If that's not enough I have proof that in the United States Constitution, Thomas Jefferson, a man who famously wrote in 1776 "All Men are created equal, and by Men I mean the male gender. I mean women aren't people are they? Well I guess their people but cmon guys we shouldn't let them vote. And black people, well they are only 3/5ths people, or so Congress will decide in the 1850's that that's the case. But basically what I'm saying is white dudes are the only people who I'm really doing this for."
Boy that Jefferson was sure one with words. But oh yea Jefferson I'm sure in there meant to say something about gay and lesbian couples not having the right to get married. I mean he said alot of things that people didnt always record. It was the 1700's Youtube wasn't invented yet so weren't aware of his daily routine.
But here's where the equal rights come in. I mean since this is the land of freedom if we are taking away the right of marriage from a certain group of citizens, we have to let them take some of our rights away. So here's how it works. Basically we give Gay and Lesbian couples a few rights they can choose to take away from the straight people.
So up for grabs I think we should give them some good choices since we took away a pretty big one from them. Ok I think we should put up four options for them. Here they are.
1. Straight people cannot go outside between the hours of 8 pm to 2 am. I think this is a good one, I mean thats when vampires and zombies are outside anyways and thats when the gay bars open. And I'm a manly man and my sexual orientation could get questioned if I see that going on.
2. Every 3rd Wednesday of the month straight people have to ride unicycles everywhere they go all day, indoors and outdoors. I think this would be a good one guys for our health because its getting harder and harder to tell people how to live their lives when I cant even get out of my lawn chair without my walking stick nearby, and sometimes I leave it in the bathroom when I go and read GUNS AND AMMO.
3. Groundhog's Day will officially be renamed "Queer eye for a straight Groundhog". This one is really straight forward basically every Groundhogs Day, The Queer eye guys make over the groundhog. If after the make over he doesnt shout "fabulous" its winter for another month. Bummer.
4. We lose the right to Guacamole. This one I think would by far be the hardest loss for us but when we take away a right that most people can obtain by a three shots of vodka and a Elvis priest in Vegas it actually seems fair. Basically anyone who is straight must wear a patch on their clothing that a avocado crossed out (Kinda like what the Nazi's did to Jewish people in World War 2 so they could recognize them anywhere). But whenever someone with that patch tries to order Guacamole or Avocado's you will get met with a sigh and shaking head saying "No, I'm sorry you havent earned that right yet, Guacamole is a privilege you get for being a homosexual, and you sir have a avocado crossed out patch".
So guys please let me know what you think, I need your votes. When all the votes of my friends are tallied we will write out representative in congress and let our voices be heard! Power to the people!
anxious
indifferent
1 (50.0%)
awake
determined
disappointed
bouncy
